DC Random: Blind Date
by Side Quest Publications
Summary: In which Lisa Snart manipulates her big brother into going on a blind date... with Barry Allen. Because I have a warped sense of humor. AU for obvious reasons. Takes place at any random point in the show after Leonard learns the Flash's identity.


**Random story is random. AU for obvious reasons.**

 **Characters copyright to DC, CW, etc.**

 **Timing is any random point the reader wants to pick... _after_ Len finds out the Flash's identity in the episode Rogue Time.**

* * *

"All right, look," Lisa said. " _Try_ not to scare this one off this time. This kid—"

" _Kid_?" Leonard protested, latching onto the one remark he could try to argue against. "I'm not going to—"

"It's a figure of speech, dimwit!" Lisa snapped.

Leonard groaned. Of _course_ it was; Lisa knew better than to try to set him up with someone underage. So much for his one valid argument.

"Anyway, according to my contact, he's had a string of bad luck with women; he's agreed to give this a shot, but he's never tried dating a _man_ before. It is possible, I'll grant— _very_ possible—that he isn't even into men. If that's the case, then this obviously isn't going to be a _date_ date."

"Thank god for small favors," Leonard muttered.

Lisa glared at him. " _If_ that's the case," she continued, "then the two of you can do... whatever lunacy two people with y chromosomes do together. But you _will_ see him, and both of you _will_ have a good time, or I swear, Lenny, I _will_ tell Mick to kick your ass!"

Leonard looked at Mick, pleading in his eyes. Pleading for what, even he wasn't sure; maybe to stand up to Lisa for once, or maybe to just get the beating over with.

But Mick refused to meet his gaze. "Don't ask for my help, Len," he said. "Just don't. You know your baby sister better than anyone. When she's determined to get something, she gets it, right? And god help anyone who gets in her way."

—BLIND DATE—

" _How_ do I let her talk me into these things?" Leonard grumbled. He was pissed, he was thirsty, and the completely dry glass in front of him made him even more pissed.

It didn't help that the dry glass was entirely his own fault; he'd spent most of the last hour glowering at everyone who so much as glanced his way, and now none of the bartenders wanted to go anywhere near him.

He glanced at his watch again and sighed. His 'date' was supposed to show up some time in the next ten minutes; he would have to at least _pretend_ to be nice so he wouldn't scare this kid... or face Lisa's wrath again.

But what the hell was he supposed to do on a blind date? If Lisa had at least told him who he was meeting, he might have had time to make a plan, find some way to make it work long enough to appease her.

But that was the point. She didn't _want_ him planning out the whole evening; she wanted him to be... ugh... _spontaneous_.

The seconds ticked by, agonizingly slowly. He kept hoping his 'date' wouldn't show up, that he could give some Lisa some excuse—some excuse that wouldn't make her go after the kid in revenge, that was—but when he looked at his watch again, he saw that only two minutes had passed.

Leonard slumped into his seat and groaned. _Maybe_ _I should've stood_ him _up_. But no, if he'd done that Lisa would have followed through on her threat... and then forced him to try again tomorrow night. No, the only way to make this work and get Lisa off his case was to... make this work.

A familiar voice made him sit back up.

"Uh, hi," the voice said to one of the bartenders. _Barry_? No, that couldn't be Barry Allen. "I'm sorry, I've never done this before, but I'm supposed to be meeting someone for a, um... date? But I kinda... don't know who it is?"

Oh, no, oh _god_ no. It couldn't be; she couldn't _possibly_ have set him up with...

" _Snart_?" Barry walked into the private room and froze when he saw who was at the table. He looked at the waiter in a panic. The waiter didn't seem any more comfortable with the situation. "Uh... sorry, I, uh, I think you might've brought me to the wrong table? I'm supposed to be..."

"Let me guess," Leonard drawled. "You've had some bad luck with women and you were talked into trying a blind date with a man for a change?"

 _Please say no please say no please say no please say no please say_

Barry stared at him. "Anybody ever tell you how _creepy_ that is?" he finally managed to ask. "I mean, how quickly you can figure stuff out that you don't have any business knowing?"

"That doesn't sound like a _no_ ," Leonard muttered. He managed to catch the waiter's eye and looked pointedly at his dry glass.

The waiter rushed out without a word to either of them, and came back moments later carrying two full pitchers of beer. He stayed only long enough to set the pitchers down on the table, not even reacting when the beer sloshed over, and he rushed back out again.

Leonard shook his head, poured some beer into the glass for Barry, and then proceeded to chug down a full third of the other pitcher before stopping to take a breath. "Ah! _Much_ better."

"Okay, seriously, _how_ can you know all that?" Barry asked. He looked around nervously. "And... can you maybe make it quick? I _am_ supposed to be meeting—"

"Your _date_ ," Leonard sneered. He pulled out his phone and dialed one of the recent burner numbers. "Lisa?" he said when the phone stopped ringing. "Quick question about this 'date' you think I'm supposed to be on?" He pulled the phone away from his ear when she started shouting at him. "Yes, I... But I... I _understand_ th... Can I talk? _Please_?" He rolled his eyes. "Look, there's this... kid here, says he's _also_ on some kind of blind date. I just want to make sure I'm meeting the right person. I wouldn't want to accidentally screw up your efforts to control my life, now would I?" He switched the phone to speaker and watched Barry's reaction.

Barry's eyes looked about ready to pop out of their sockets. It might've been funny if Leonard wasn't so embarrassed.

Scratch that; it would've been _hilarious_.

"All right, _fine_ ," Lisa growled. "My contact says your date's name is Barry Allen. _Happy_ now? Damn ingrate..." Then a _click_ as she hung up on him.

Barry's jaw hung open. He yelped when Leonard slapped a gun down on the table.

"Shoot me," Leonard said. "Shoot me now. Please." He dropped his head to the table and hid his face in his arms.

"I, I, I... I'm not... I'm not going to shoot you," Barry stammered.

"Hmph. Eh, wise choice," Leonard said, his voice only slightly muffled. "Lisa'd probably hunt you down and kill you in your sleep if she thought you tried to hurt me."

A chair scraped, and Leonard heard Barry's weight shift a little bit closer to the table. "Okay," Barry said, his voice suddenly much closer to the floor. "So what do we do? A blind date... you're not supposed to know the person in advance, I don't think. Maybe you could tell her... we've never liked each other?"

Leonard pulled his face from his arms and looked at the man sitting across from him. "What part of 'hunt you down and kill you in your sleep' did you not understand?" He groaned. "To say nothing of what she'd do to _me_."

"Okay, so you could... you could tell her we gave it a shot? Still friends, but—"

Leonard shook his head. "She'll want _proof_ that I made the effort. Receipts, tickets, anything that shows we actually _did_ something together."

"Fan-freaking-tastic," Barry muttered. "So what _do_ you do for fun? When you're not robbing people, I mean?"

"You're asking _me_?" Leonard asked. "I figured I'd have to put up with... whatever my 'date' wanted to do."

Barry shrugged. "Well, unless you're up for trivia night..." He blushed. "Sorry, I _am_ kind of a nerd."

"I like riding my motorcycle," Leonard replied.

"Hmm... I've never ridden a motorcycle before," Barry said. Leonard looked up at him briefly, hoping, maybe... Barry shook his head. "I'm willing to _try_ it, though," he said, dashing Leonard's hopes in an instant. "Besides, what would Lisa do to you if you scared off your date _that_ easily?"

* * *

 **Yeah, I'm sure blind dates don't really happen _quite_ this way. For one thing, the person or persons setting it up would need some way to be sure their victims** **—er, friends** — **are meeting the right people. Most likely by actually being present for the introductions. But in the words of Larry the Cable Guy, "I don't care who you are, that's funny right there."**

 **If I ever decide what kind of stuff the pair are going to do on their blind date, I _might_ continue this one (not to mention change the rating due to *cough cough* future dates), but for now I'm marking it as a complete one-shot.  
Personally, as a motorcycle rider, I think just going for a ride would be a pretty _awesome_ first date (as would going to trivia night, or even spending the whole day at the local library), but... Lisa wants proof that they did something, and I suspect she wouldn't think gas receipts are proof enough, right?  
**

 **You'll note I never mention who Lisa's contact is** **—who persuaded Barry to go on this blind date** **—but just for laughs I decided it was Rob, who is engaged/married (depending on when the story takes place) to CCPD captain Singh. I don't think Barry has to worry too much about telling _him_ the "date" didn't go well, thus the focus on how Lisa will react.**


End file.
